It’s not me, it’s YOU

Today while at work a couple of my coworkers and I engaged in your typical bathroom banter. One thing led to another and we came to find out that one of the girls had a date for right after work. She was really nervous as it was with a guy that she had met online and we all know that when it comes to online dating it can really be a crap shoot. I myself have tried online dating on and off for a bit now and although I’ve gone on a couple decent dates, I tend to be more skeptical about it than not. Most the time I think there must be SOMETHING wrong with these people if they are looking for a date online. Then I remind myself that I’m on the same site, so does that mean there is something wrong with me? Well the answer to that is of course not because I’m perfect. Then I usually go on the date and decide that I was right with my assumption that yes, there was something wrong with them… usually not tall enough, not talkative enough, not aggressive enough…the list could go on and on and thus my skepticism continues. But I digress, this story is not about me, it is about my coworker. Well after a little bit of talking about the date and scaring the crap out of her by somehow getting off topic and talking about self defense and being able to kick the crap out of our dates if necessary, we try to pump her up and tell her it will be awesome. About 10 minutes later I received the below email:

Subject: Just got his text from my date…

“Ok….I should be frank with you. I just got home from work to find that my house still has no power, so basically I can’t shower….and I usually date girls who are larger than you – I thought I’d give it a shot meeting you because you have a great personality but there seems to be too many obstacles.”

Let’s dissect this text shall we? 

First off. I should be frank with you. Oh really? Thanks. Glad you decided to not lie to me before we go on our first date!

Second. I just got home from work to find that my house still has no power, so basically I can’t shower. Ok, I get it…we had a hurricane this past weekend so lots of people don’t have power BUT you are just now realizing on Wednesday that you don’t have power? Also…how did you shower for work today? Have you not showered since the power went out? Clearly his definition of hygiene is in question here. 

Third.  I usually date girls who are larger than you. This line left me speechless and made me literally laugh out loud. I have gone on lots of dates…and in my time, although I’d really rather not admit it, have been blown off and have come up with my fair share of blow offs. But this my friends by FAR takes the cake. He basically said, I’m sorry you are too skinny for me to date.  Now the kicker of this is that my coworker is not the smallest girl. She is not huge, but she is a little bit above average. Which begs me to ask the question…WHAT KIND OF GIRLS IS HE DATING?????

Which leads me to my email reply:

“I don’t know how to respond to that besides laughing. He basically just told you that you are too skinny for him to date. I’d love to be told that by a date, so at least there’s a positive out of all of this.”

For real, no one likes to be turned down, no matter what the reason BUT if I had to be dumped, God please do it because you think I’m too skinny for you!!!!!!!!

Now for the final line. I thought I’d give it a shot meeting you because you have a great personality but there seems to be too many obstacles. His obstacles include you are too small and I can’t shower. Yup, you’re right those are definitely incredible obstacles that one could never get over. Clearly she dodged a HUGE bullet here. 

This whole situation takes the” it’s not me, it’s you to a whole new level.”  Where are these crazies on the lovey dovey match.com and eharmony commercials where they are all gitty about finding their soul mates.  I’m telling you… it’s tough out there in the world of dating.  Definitely isn’t making me want to jump on the internet again anytime soon! 

Maybe I’ll give up dating and just become one of those cat ladies. Nah, scratch that. I hate cats. 

 see, look how mean this cat looks!